Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
we have officially lost it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
