You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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