just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
