We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
