my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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