I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
