i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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