we made out on top of his cat.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
