she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So vagazzling was a success
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
