when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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