Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
