Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
they're like a gay fantastic four
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Drunk is not a location!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
