I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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