No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
