Are we in a gay sports bar?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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