I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
