You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
