I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
