My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
