i was born a porn star she said
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize