I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
