We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
