when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
