Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
