I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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