i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
