I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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