Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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