At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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