i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
