dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
