Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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