I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
