There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
