dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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