No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
