Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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