I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
