My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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