There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just pee around me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
