We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
