3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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