It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
last night I used snow as a chaser
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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