once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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