I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Text me some of your sweat
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