You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
