I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
