So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
