What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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