hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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