Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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