Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
