Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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