Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
