the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
