He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
