i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
