My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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