But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
babies were throwing up all over the place
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
