Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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