just come out here and I will go home with you...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
