I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Someone shit on the floor
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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