Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
