He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize