A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
