i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
