If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
