We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
