he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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