Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
