I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
