I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
