you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
