Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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