If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
