I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
